Friday, September 5, 2008


Why is it that even though I've known for approximately 4 months that we are getting married September 13th, WHY HAVE I FAILED TO LOSE WEIGHT so that I could be comfortable in the dress I picked out? Why is it that just because I was painfully thin and could eat and eat and never exercise for the first 29 years of my life, why have I failed to grasp the reality that that is most definitely NO LONGER THE CASE?

I learned a harsh, harsh lesson yesterday, and it is this: if you put on a "body shaper" in a desperate attempt to squish your mid-section together enough to fit into said dress, what happens is that the fluffy bits that prefer to hang around near your belly button get forced UPWARDS toward your arm pits causing THE ZIPPER ON YOUR DRESS TO BREAK.

My very helpful mother suggested:
a) that I fashion DUCT TAPE sash to keep the zipper from breaking during the ceremony. She even offered to decorate it with rhinestones for me.
b) that I buy some pretty pink shoe-laces and lace the dress up.
c) that I develop an eating disorder immediately.

Now, a mere 8 days before the wedding, I am forced to frantically search for a NEW dress, one that does not make me feel like humming the jingle from the Jimmy Dean sausage commercials.



jpogue said...

Call the place you bought the dress and tell them the zipper broke and have them FED EX the same dress in 1 size bigger - just exchange it!

Dee said...

Excellant idea ! They could get it here in time, and you wouldn't have to shop for another dress.

kate said...

Oh, I just found a cute dress that is not in any way a wedding dress but it will be the back-up if I can't get into the first one. I'm still hopefull. But at least now I have a plan B that I feel good about.

I can't return it because I have had some altering done and I took all the tags off. Grrrr. Well, lesson learned.

Linda, aka "Lala" said...

Dear sweet adorable Kate,... WTF????
What were you thinking wait until 8days before the wedding to TRY THE SUCKER ON???

Just go "up on the mountain" with me and ya won't need a frickin' dress!

GRIN!!! :o}

kate said...

I didn't wait until 8 days before the wedding to try it on, you idjit. ;)

I tried it on the day it came, I tried it on several times since, I tried it on at the first and second fittings. It's just that each time I tried it on, that little zipper was saying "I think I can I think I can I think I can..." and then, finally, it couldn't.

Dee said...

Can't remember the jingle from Jimmie Dean-----all I can think of is : Oh I 'd love to be an Oscar Myer weinerrrrrr----- !