Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I dare you not to scratch your head after reading this.

Top six necessities for delousing your child:

6. Several gallons of expensive, extra-virgin cold-pressed olive oil.

5. Several tablespoons of expensive, organic Tea Tree oil.

4. Several tablespoons of expensive, organic Rosemary oil.

3. Two special "lice combs" and at least 2 hours each evening for one to two weeks.
2. As much ice-cream as it takes to ply your child while spending 2 hours removing nits.

1. Alcohol. Lots of it. Not for her. For me.

Oh, and several yards of Cling-Wrap to create a turban (to cook the little fuckers.)

Welcome to Lice Fest 2007!
Let me tell you, this is the most fun we've had all summer.
Here's what you do, DAILY, until they vacate the premisis:
*Strip every single bed in the house and wash all bedding! And pillows!
*Vacuum every square inch of the house!
*Wash ALL your child's clothes because of that one shirt she put on for ten minutes, decided not to wear and then put it back in her dresser!
*Wash most of your clothes because sometimes she likes to wear your t-shirts because they "smell like mommy"! (aawwww...)
*Wash your child's hair with the above concoction, wait half an hour, spend the next two hours diligently combing out nits!
*Quarantine all stuffed animals in large garbage bags for up to two weeks! Yeah, you want to have your heart broken? Do ya? Just get a load of the look on your child's face as she forlornly watches you put all her animals in said bags and realizes that "Tiger can't breathe in there! He'll be lonely! He'll be SCARED!"
*Use every ounce of will-power not to follow your kid around saying "Don't touch that! NO! don't lay on our bed!! Do NOT let your hair touch my pillow!!"
And when, despite all your efforts, the babysitter calls the next day to say that all the kids STILL have lice,
*Try really, really hard not to place your child in a large plastic bag for two weeks.

Monday, July 30, 2007

Misadventures in craft

Birthday present for a special curly-headed cutie; my first attempt at applique. Good thing she's too young to inspect my work closely!

If I ever have labels made up, I think they'll say "No one will mistake this for store-bought."

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

Cuz it's Wednesday

This makes me laugh my ass off every time I see it.


Preparing for her big Art Sale

The Bug has decided that she's going to hold an "Art Sale" this weekend. She's been busy creating one-of-a-kind masterpieces, which she intends to sell for $6 each. Why $6? Because she's 6, of course! She's going to set up a table in her dad's front yard and rake in the cash, or so goes her plan. She's saving up for her "very own puppy". She really really really really really really really wants a Rhodesian Ridge-back. Or a Bernese Mountain dog. Or a Chihuahua. Or a Golden Retriever. Or a Corgi. Or a Miniature Doberman. Or a Long-haired "Dutch-und". (and don't even try to tell her it's called a "Dachshund" because you don't know what you're talking about.) Can you tell this kid watches WAY too much Animal Planet??

PS. I made that dress she's wearing. It turned out pretty well...until you look at the zipper. But we won't talk about that. OK??

Here's a photo I took the other evening as the most wonderful summer thunder-storm rolled in. I have no idea what that tower-thing is, but this is exactly as it looked from our front yard.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Oh Gypsy, soon you shall be mine.

The love of my life has bought for me the bike of my dreams!! It's not in my posession yet because he had to order it, but how freakin' sweet is he? Yeah, I guess I'll keep him.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

i NEED this:

Imagine, if you will, the coolest freakin' bike EVER. Gorgeous deep forest-green paint with brown fenders all painted with sweet orange flower details and the occasional white polka-dot? Check. White Leather seat with red (red!) whip-stitch detail and matching handle-bar grips? Check. Wicker basket attached with leather straps and lined with lovely red & white Scandinavian-flower-print fabric? Check. Bell for scaring the bejeesus out of old ladies up ahead of you? Check.

Behold the Electra Gypsy:

This picture doesn't really do it justice, so....are you ready? Here's the glamour shot:

Still, you just can't get just how GORGEOUS this bike is until you see it in person, which we did in Sun Valley. The details are just unbelievable. It totally reminds me of something you'd ride through a small Swiss village (which anyone who knows me can understand the attraction there) with a bottle of wine and baguette in the basket, while wearing a 1940s sundress, big sunglasses and a scarf around your neck. I seriously can not stop thinking about this bike. Practical? No. But really? What could be cooler than peddling around town on this?? Nothing, that's what. I'm plotting how to justify its purchase..... I need your help.

If you want a closer look, it's here: http://www.electrabike.com/ (it's a ladies' cruiser, the Gypsy model.) There has never been a more "Kate-like" bike in the world.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

The Emergency Room....or what little I remember of it

This picture pretty much sums up the atmosphere during our girls' weekend. That's Nichole (who happens to be in every. single. picture taken that weekend, posing and making some sort of "rock-chick" face) and Kris. I believe they were rocking out to, um, AC/DC. Don't ask.

So! I'd left you hanging (all 3 of my regular readers) with the trip to the ER. The thing is, when I sat down to write this, I realized how very little I remember of that experience. Hence the recommendation to be inebriated if you ever have to make such a trip. Anyway, I do know that we were there for at least 3 1/2 hours, even though it just me and a little boy. I don't know what his problem was but I don't think he was gushing blood like I was. Probably swallowed a Transformer or something minor like that.....but I guess for some reason the Dr. assumed I was feeling no pain.

From what I hear, the highlights of the ER visit were:

1. The doctor coming out and asking Kris and Nichole if they were part of the "Moms Gone Wild" party....and they were horrified: "She told you that?? That's TOP SECRET INFORMATION! No body's supposed to know that!"
2. The doctor laughing and telling them that usually, when there's a group like this and he sees one of them come through the ER, he'll see someone else from the group before the weekend is over. That became the ominous prediction for the rest of the weekend: who was gonna be next?
3. Jennifer, thinking she was being so sneaky, going outside to barf in the bushes and later finding out that not only were Kris and Nichole watching her and laughing, the receptionist could see it all because she was right in front of the huge picture-window!

The next day I said to the girls: "I probably should have received a tetanus shot, because it's been years since I've had one". **awkward, stunned silence** "Uh, Kate? You DID receive a tetanus shot. You don't remember that? They hurt like a mother!! How do you not remember that??" followed by fits of giggles. brats.

The good news is that there were no other major injuries requiring visits to the ER, not even, amazingly enough, when Nichole decided the next night, despite the doctors prediction, that it was a good idea to stand up through Jen's sunroof and ride through town laying on the roof, looking up at the stars, yelling "It's soooo beautiful out here! You all have to try this!!"

Yeah, I know: we really should be embarrassed by all this very un mom-like behavior, but it's our once-a-year outlet from all the responsibilities of our everyday lives. And like I said to a friend this morning: we refuse to grow old gracefully; we are going to go kicking and screaming, and laughing and dancing. And I look forward to every minute of it.

Next year: We plan to rent a yurt near Santa Barbara that Nichole found, overlooking the Pacific ocean. No one there knows us. YET.

My mother is probably secretly mortified right now, that her 42 yr. old daughter (a grown woman!) is admitting this, and she's most likely making plans to take me out of the will. She taught me better than this, for the record. But sadly, it didn't take. (Hi mom! Love you!)

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Girls' Weekend Part 2: The good, the bad and the ugly

Ooooh my.

Where to start? Well. Once again, the Moms Gone Wild tour hit Sun Valley and reminded all those snow-boardin'-mountain-bike-ridin'-hard-partyin' punks how it's done. There were 7 of us who descended on the peaceful Wood River Valley from various parts of the Pacific Northwest. Friday night was supposed to be our "mellow" night; we all arrived at the condo around 5 and started off with some Mojitos and wine. Just a couple, you know, to take the edge off after our long travels. Well, a couple turned into a few and we decided to head downtown. The usual scene-of-the-crime for us is Whiskey Jacques, so we thought we'd start there. Luckily the condo was within walking distance of downtown, so we did the responsible thing and walked. Well, we arrived before the band had started so we had, you know, a few more drinks. Most of the gals were drinking beer but Jen and I had a couple of Cosmos. And then they just started showing up at our table as quickly as we finished the last. Mmmm....so cool and refreshing on a muggy July night. So the band finally starts up and we all hit the dance floor. They thank us politely for dancing to their sound-check. Ahem. Jennifer starts pounding her fists on the table and yelling "Sound check? Sound check???" which just cracks us all up. Anyway, we proceed to drink and dance and laugh our asses off. We got VERY loud and started getting dirty looks from all the 24 year olds who were maybe thinking we were too old for this type of unlady-like behavior. Which, of course, made us laugh harder and be even more obnoxious. At some point we decided that dancing in flip-flops while drunk is just too complicated, so we all kicked off our shoes so we could flail around unencumbered. Well, by then Jen and I were in full-on "I looooove you sooo much" mode (ok, maybe it was just me, but she was tolerating it...) and the next thing we knew, (I think there was a toast of some sort involved) there was broken glass everywhere on the floor, and in trying to move away from it, I stepped on a nice big piece. I proceeded to bleed profusely, all the while refusing treatment because I didn't want the other girls to have to stop having fun. Finally it became very apparent that a trip to the Emergency room was in order.

Tomorrow: Why, if you're going to get hurt, I suggest being inebriated

Monday, July 16, 2007

Girls' Weekend: Part 1

The first part of my vacation was spent in Boise, visiting family. In part to celebrate our mom's 76th (which anyone who knows her will not believe) birthday, she and my sisters and I rafted down the S. Fork of the Payette River. I'd never rafted any river in Idaho (or anywhere else, for that matter) and it was one of the most fun things I've ever done! We screamed through the first several rapids, and then our ADORABLE guide said that because we seemed able (ha!) we were welcome to "Ride the Bull" through the next few rapids. Here I am, perfecting my bull-riding posture:

This was such a rush, sitting up there on the bow of the raft, heading into these big rapids. Of course, I snorted just a little bit of river water...

My sister Linda tried it too:

and then we talked Jodi into it. She handed over her paddle, worked her way to the front of the raft, got situated on the front of the boat and then....fell backwards and got stuck with her feet straight up in the air! And this was in TOTALLY calm water. We were laughing so hard we couldn't even help her. I'm pretty sure cute little Matt thought we were a bunch of crazy old women. But we redeemed ourselves by impressing him with our bird identification skills and stories of smoking pot when we were younger (don't ask how we got on that subject!) Anyway, my entire stay in Boise was so. much. fun. I love my family.

Next up: Moms Gone Wild in Sun Valley. Not quite ready to talk about that yet.
Need to sober up. :)

Monday, July 9, 2007

*"You surprise me in delightful ways"

Actual comment made by David while shopping. I was looking at some (I thought) very cool polka-dotted plastic cups for, you know, sipping lemonade on the back deck. David loathes anything vaguely retro. (This could be a problem, because if I could turn into Doris Day right now, I would.)

*Translation: Oh my god, you can NOT be serious.

But really? I think this just shows how evolved he really is and how well he has learned to communicate tactfully with a woman. So sweet.

Because she's incapable of NOT hamming it up for the camera

Only 3 days....

until I get to go to S. Idaho!! My mom, sisters and I are going on a river-rafting trip, which is something I've always wanted to do. I grew up in S. Idaho, near some of the best river-rafting in the country, and I've never gone. We're going in part to celebrate mom's birthday...how many 76 yr. old women would go river rafing?? My mom is so cool.

And then, THEN, I'm heading over to Ketchum for a weekend of debauchery with the girls....our annual "Moms Gone Wild" weekend: no husbands/partners and NO KIDDOS!! We had to skip last year because Jennifer went and had another baby (so selfish!) so we've got some making up to do. There are sure to be outrageous stories...my favorite from our last trip is the image of Jen pole-dancing with the gigantic lodge-pole pine in the middle of the dance-floor of Whisky Jacque's! We sort tend to forget we're, um, grownups when we get together! Or maybe we're just in denial for one weekend a year. There is sure to be lots and lots of laughing, story-telling, shopping, eating, and probably a few Mojitos consumed. And wine. And Saki. And Tequila. We let it ALL hang out and we all come away refreshed and sore from laughter and counting the days until our next one. I can not wait.

Here are a couple of my new favotire photos. Look at those eyes! And that's Moby, the Second Best Dog in the World (right behind Smokey...but a very close second).

And I can't tell you how much I love to walk into a room and see Anna reading...It's the best thing ever.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Dang it. I just have nothing interesting to post about.

But I'm feeling unusually petty and immature because that last post, where I admit to still feeling giddy when remembering the doll-house accident is silently mocking me. But I can't help it. Those who know me well know that few things make me laugh harder than seeing someone hurt themselves. Now, I'm not talking "chainsaw accident" here. Obviously there's nothing funny about blood-shed. I'm talking "bonk your head on a tree-branch" or "step in a pile of dog poop" or "try to be cool and jump over a tennis net but fall on your head" kind of funny. Say, that reminds me of the time that my friend Kim tried to be cool and jump over the net on the tennis court but got her foot tangled. It was totally cartoon-funny and I seriously laughed so hard that I peed my pants, right there on the tennis court...a little puddle. That sort of, um, trumped her dorky maneuver. ahem.

Anyway, I often wonder why I find the sight of someone getting hurt to be so. damn. funny. I sort of feel badly that as someone is standing there rubbing the goose-egg on their head, I'm trying to hide my tears of laughter. But it runs in my family, I'm afraid. Both of my sisters suffer the same malady. There was the time, a couple of years ago, when my whole family was gathered together for my brother's wedding. We were all sitting outside on the patio of a restaurant, probably 10 of us or so. As this couple comes out onto the patio, the woman miscalculates the last step and totally does the Jerry-Lewis-flailing-arms-rubber-legs stumble thing. I felt the laughter well up in my chest and turned my head so as not to guffaw in her general direction....but unfortunately I made eye-contact with Lala who I could tell was fighting the same reaction and we both had to literally run around the corner so we could die laughing without embarrassing the poor woman. It still makes me well up with tears (of laughter) just thinking about it.

So, tell me what makes you laugh?? The more inappropriate, the better! : )

PS. David and I remembered another Worst Song of All Time: "Having My Baby" by Neil Sedaka. Oh, why Neil? Why??