Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Free Levi!

I've recently discovered Bill Maher; I've been down-loading his show "Real Time" and listening to it on my commute each day. He and I share the exact same view on politics and religion; I've come to think of him the same way my crazy uncle (whom we no longer speak to because, well, he's crazy) thinks of Rush Limbough: I think that every word out of Bill Maher's mouth is golden.

I won't get into religion or politics today, but yesterday, I was listening to this bit below and laughing so hard I had tears pouring down my cheeks.

Here he is, discussing the poor young testosterone-driven redneck who knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter. The part about "Just let the Palin womenfolk look after it in that Mormon compound they call a house"....hoo, boy. My very first thought, once I heard her kids' names, was "She HAS to be Mormon."

Here he is, Bill Maher:

"If we can't, after all is said and done, make this election go the right way, at least we can save one man. I'm talking about young master Levi Johnston. He's the 18-year-old Alaskan hockey enthusiast who knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter, and the National Enquirer describes him as a "boozing pot smoker who doesn't want to get married." And John McCain thinks he found HIS soul mate.

You know, we've all recently seen how the Republican Party captured this poor innocent out of his natural habitat and forced him into a shotgun wedding. Because, when the 17-year-old daughter of the VP candidate is out to here, it's just better that Levi was introduced as "the fiancee." Looks a little less white-trashy.

But, that doesn't change the fact that right now Levi is America's number-one political prisoner. But, Levi, you don't have to be. This is the 21st century at least in the blue states. You don't have to do this. You have options. You can pull a - you know, a "Juno." Fuck, you LIVE in Juneau!

Or you could do what most people do with an unwanted child: give it to Angelina Jolie!

And, look, if you're worried about the baby, don't. I mean, let's get real, dude. The way you are, at 18, that baby is better off not being around you. You'll wind up losing it or shooting it or something.

Just - just let the Palin womenfolk look after it for a while. One more infant in that Mormon compound they call a house - won't bother anybody. They will barely notice another kid at the table. And soon they won't even remember whose seed it was that produced young "Trink" or "Truck" or... Puck, or whatever fucked-up redneck name they give it.

In any event, we here at "Real Time" have taken the liberty of purchasing the website, FreeLevi.org. There it is: "Free Levi." And, it is yours to use if you want to use it to get folks to contribute to some sort of liberty fund so you can get enough money to get out of that frozen meth lab they call a town. And even if the money doesn't come in, it's not too late. Just grab your skull bong--climb out the window and get on the highway.

I can't actually come and get you, myself, or even let you stay at my place, because I'm pretty sure you'd smoke all my weed.

But, just call me from the pay phone. I know of a safe house you can stay in until after the election. It's - it's like the witness protection program for baby daddies. "

Dude. I love you.

4 comments:

Robyn said...

Oh, man.

I was hoping Bill Maher and I could be friends - we seem to share some views on religion, after all. Alas, it can never be - I was born and raised in a red state and even have - gasp! - redneck in my blood.

The smugness and the insults are killing me.

enigma4ever said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
enigma4ever said...

I goofed..so I had to correct my comment..anyways...love this Save Levi mission too funny...have added a link to your blog about this post ...at Watergate Summer- hope you dont mind.

kate said...

Oh Robyn, I am full-blooded redneck on both sides!! I guess I assume that people who read this blog know that about me (my sister's blog is called The Hidden Springs Hillbillies!) I am NOT dissing red-necks...well, if I am it's because I am one! Come on, ya gotta laugh about those kids names....