Top six necessities for delousing your child:
6. Several gallons of expensive, extra-virgin cold-pressed olive oil.
5. Several tablespoons of expensive, organic Tea Tree oil.
4. Several tablespoons of expensive, organic Rosemary oil.
3. Two special "lice combs" and at least 2 hours each evening for one to two weeks.
2. As much ice-cream as it takes to ply your child while spending 2 hours removing nits.
1. Alcohol. Lots of it. Not for her. For me.
Oh, and several yards of Cling-Wrap to create a turban (to cook the little fuckers.)
Welcome to Lice Fest 2007!
Let me tell you, this is the most fun we've had all summer.
Here's what you do, DAILY, until they vacate the premisis:
*Strip every single bed in the house and wash all bedding! And pillows!
*Vacuum every square inch of the house!
*Wash ALL your child's clothes because of that one shirt she put on for ten minutes, decided not to wear and then put it back in her dresser!
*Wash most of your clothes because sometimes she likes to wear your t-shirts because they "smell like mommy"! (aawwww...)
*Wash your child's hair with the above concoction, wait half an hour, spend the next two hours diligently combing out nits!
*Quarantine all stuffed animals in large garbage bags for up to two weeks! Yeah, you want to have your heart broken? Do ya? Just get a load of the look on your child's face as she forlornly watches you put all her animals in said bags and realizes that "Tiger can't breathe in there! He'll be lonely! He'll be SCARED!"
*Use every ounce of will-power not to follow your kid around saying "Don't touch that! NO! don't lay on our bed!! Do NOT let your hair touch my pillow!!"
And when, despite all your efforts, the babysitter calls the next day to say that all the kids STILL have lice,
*Try really, really hard not to place your child in a large plastic bag for two weeks.