Do you think suicide should be legal? Now, obviously if someone is going to off themselves, the fact that they might get a ticket if they fail probably doesn't cross their minds.
I'm talking about suicide if you know you are going to die: if you are very old or very ill and your quality of life is severely compromised with no option for improvement. Shouldn't a person be allowed to decide for him or herself that they are ready to go?
David and I watched a movie the other night, "Savages", in which a son and daughter deal with their father's old age and dementia. It was a very depressing movie (don't ask WHY we thought it would be funny and quirky, but we were wrong!) but it did get us talking.
Why, if it is completely the patient's wish to end his or her life, should the doctors and/or family not be legally allowed to carry out that person's wishes? Now, obviously the person should be of sound-mind in order to make such a request, and it should be regulated and carried out by a licenses physician. But imagine how many people are in nursing homes or hospice care, knowing that they are dying and wishing they could avoid all the pain and loss of dignity that comes with having to be cared for 24 hours a day. I would HATE to get to that point, and I would insist that David help me end my life. He says the same thing; so we have an agreement.
What do you think?
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
rant about polygamy
I don't know why, but I am fascinated by polygamy. Not in a "I want to be a sister-wife" myself kind of fascination, but sociologically interested. Maybe because I grew up in S. Idaho where non-Mormons were the minority.
I read "Under the Banner of Heaven" by Jon Krakauer and found it well-written and fascinating. I also read "Leaving the Saints" by Martha Beck. And then I read several books about polygamy by women who had lived it and escaped. The past two days, NPR has been airing a two part-series on polygamy among Muslims in the US. I didn't realize polygamy is part of that religion. Again and again, they interviewed women who had been married and then abandoned when their husband took on additional wives and/or left the country. Because of their religious beliefs, these women can't divorce; they are not legally recognized as married anyway. So they have to hope that the man will send them money to support their children. It's very sad.
The thing is, I think polygamy should be legal. I do. I can understand a woman's interest in being a sister-wife: there is a strong sense of community AND if the women work together and respect one another, they can be a strong and powerful family unit, raising all the children together. I mean, what mother hasn't wished for another female in the house to take over when you needed a break or to help with the laundry and cooking?! And frankly, I suspect many women wouldn't even mind their husband going for conjugal visits with another woman. The problems arise when the women realize that, because polygamy is not recognized as a legal union in this country, they have NO rights to being treated with respect, to ask for money, to get jobs.
Keeping it illegal gives WAY too much power to men. Only the first wife is legally married to the man; subsequent marriages are ceremonial/religious unions only. If polygamy were legal, each wife would have equal rights. But of course the men wouldn't like that at all.
Furthermore, making polygamy legal would bring it out of the shadows and the secrets of multiple marriages and marrying off young girls would be out in the open. By making it illegal, we've forced them in to hiding where they can do whatever they want in the name of religion, including allowing girls as young as 11 to marry men old enough to be their grandfathers. Legalizing it and bringing it out in the open would make it possible for girls and women to come forward and have legal recourse when they are abused.
Furthermore, as it stands, polygamists are a huge drain on our social services (such as welfare) because the women are legally single mothers. This allows the men to have as many children as he can produce without have to take financial resposibility for them.
This seems like a no-brainer to me. What do you think?
I read "Under the Banner of Heaven" by Jon Krakauer and found it well-written and fascinating. I also read "Leaving the Saints" by Martha Beck. And then I read several books about polygamy by women who had lived it and escaped. The past two days, NPR has been airing a two part-series on polygamy among Muslims in the US. I didn't realize polygamy is part of that religion. Again and again, they interviewed women who had been married and then abandoned when their husband took on additional wives and/or left the country. Because of their religious beliefs, these women can't divorce; they are not legally recognized as married anyway. So they have to hope that the man will send them money to support their children. It's very sad.
The thing is, I think polygamy should be legal. I do. I can understand a woman's interest in being a sister-wife: there is a strong sense of community AND if the women work together and respect one another, they can be a strong and powerful family unit, raising all the children together. I mean, what mother hasn't wished for another female in the house to take over when you needed a break or to help with the laundry and cooking?! And frankly, I suspect many women wouldn't even mind their husband going for conjugal visits with another woman. The problems arise when the women realize that, because polygamy is not recognized as a legal union in this country, they have NO rights to being treated with respect, to ask for money, to get jobs.
Keeping it illegal gives WAY too much power to men. Only the first wife is legally married to the man; subsequent marriages are ceremonial/religious unions only. If polygamy were legal, each wife would have equal rights. But of course the men wouldn't like that at all.
Furthermore, making polygamy legal would bring it out of the shadows and the secrets of multiple marriages and marrying off young girls would be out in the open. By making it illegal, we've forced them in to hiding where they can do whatever they want in the name of religion, including allowing girls as young as 11 to marry men old enough to be their grandfathers. Legalizing it and bringing it out in the open would make it possible for girls and women to come forward and have legal recourse when they are abused.
Furthermore, as it stands, polygamists are a huge drain on our social services (such as welfare) because the women are legally single mothers. This allows the men to have as many children as he can produce without have to take financial resposibility for them.
This seems like a no-brainer to me. What do you think?
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
gratuitous bunny photos
Annie, Anna and Sydney, doing their bunny impersonations.
Thanks to Lala's suggestion, I made a "bunny carrier". This one is a bit too big, but he liked being carried around in it.
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Anna and I fight over who gets to hold him. He's not going to want for attention in this house!
I love this bun bun.
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
close call
When I was a teenager, I used to say that I could never be an alcoholic because I hated the taste of beer.
While I never really learned to love beer, I certainly learned to love the confidence it gave me, and I drank plenty of it in high school and college. In high school I prided myself on drinking Moose Head and St. Paulie Girl while all my classmates swilled Coors Light or Budweiser. I was proud to be a beer snob.
I started drinking rather seriously in my 20s. I remember driving home from the bars so drunk that I wouldn't stop at the red lights for fear I'd fall asleep. How I didn't get a DUI or hurt someone is a miracle. I was always up for going out, dancing, having fun, taking it too far. I was the life of every party. I thought I needed alcohol to be fun.
I fear that I still do.
In my 30s I would have a few glasses of wine at dinner parties, but for the most part I was busy being responsible: starting a business, buying a home, having a child.
Parenting proved to be more of a challenge than I imagined. I had very little patience for my opinionated child. I found myself enraged when she refused to take a nap or go to bed when I was more than ready to be done parenting for the day. While I never harmed her physically, I scared her and myself on more than one occasion with my anger. My marriage was disintegrating, we HATED living in the non-stop rain of the Oregon coast, we could not sell our house or our business, and I began to implode. I felt like I had NO control over my life. I discovered that the occasional glass of wine after work helped "take the edge off". Time passed, we finally sold our house and business and we moved to Washington. We hoped that the move would save our marriage. It didn't. I continued to drink a glass of wine every night, to help me relax and "cope" with my life. Soon, I noticed that one glass wasn't having the desired effect. It took two. More time passed, we got divorced and I found myself living alone (for a brief but BRUTAL time) while Anna lived with Eric. There was certainly no harm in having a couple glasses of wine in the evenings to help me sleep in that big house with the strange noises. Was there?
More time passed, life improved, I met and fell in love with a wonderful man. And yet, I still "needed" that glass of wine (or 3) every single night. I didn't get "drunk"...and yet I started noticing how many empty bottles were in the recycling bin at the end of a week. A real eye-opener came when Anna drew a "still life" of sorts:
We've got Anna off to the left (all you can see is her bottle of root beer), a Christmas tree, a menorah, , a large vase of flowers, Moby, David in the kitchen, and Mommy's big ol' glass of wine. I told myself at the time that it was hilarious!! And so was this: 
How cute! How funny!
I look at that now and want to cry.
Still, I continued to tell myself that a glass (or 4) of wine a night wasn't hurting anything: I was functioning perfectly. I just had a higher tolerance than most. On Saturdays I found myself wondering when it was too early to have a glass of wine. 4:00? 3:00? 1:00??
Then I read a book called "Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Meth Addiction." He and his son reminded me so much of my relationship with Anna. And I had an epiphany of sorts: my daughter is CLEARLY aware of the fact that mommy drinks wine every. single. night. What kind of example am I setting for her? Do I want her to grow up to think that that is normal??
And so I told myself I would stop. That I wouldn't have wine in the house any more. I tried. But I kept finding excuses: it's been a rough day and I need to chill out. It's a beautiful evening to sit on the porch and have a glass of wine. I'll just buy a bottle and make it last all week. I asked friends whom I love and respect (people who have perfectly "normal", high-functioning lives) how much they drink; a surprising number of them say that it's not unusual for them to go through a bottle of wine a night. So what was the problem with me doing so?
But I kept coming back to the thought that I am teaching Anna that this is what grown-ups do. And then, a couple of weeks ago, when I went out with my friend Sarah and rode my bike home drunk off my gourd, I realized that not only was that REALLY not cute for a 43 year old woman, but it was stupid and dangerous: what if I'd run into a parked car (as I almost did) and knocked my dumb-ass out cold...I wasn't wearing a helmet; I could have been seriously wounded or even killed, laying there in the road in the dark.
And so, it's time to admit that I have a drinking problem. Am I an alcoholic? I don't know. I hope not. I don't want to have to go to AA and beg for help from a "higher power" that I do not believe in. Right now I'm hoping it's merely a close call.
I sat down and talked to David about it and he is an amazing source of strength, having overcome his own addictions years ago. He is quietly supportive but knows that change has to come from within myself; he isn't going to be (nor should he be) my babysitter.
I am putting this "out there" because that will force me to be accountable for my actions. I've gone a week now without a glass of wine. And, as in the past when I tried to stop, I "picked a bad week to quit drinking". I received some very bad news about the health of a friend and I really, really wanted to stop at the store on the way home and buy a bottle of wine so that I could have a glass (or 5). But I didn't.
I hope that some time down the road, I can enjoy a glass of wine when we are dining out. I hope that in the future when my girl-friends get together for the weekend, that I can have a couple of drinks and that I can leave it at that. But for right now, I need to know that I can stop. I need to prove to myself and the people that I love that I am stronger than the urge to drink.
While I never really learned to love beer, I certainly learned to love the confidence it gave me, and I drank plenty of it in high school and college. In high school I prided myself on drinking Moose Head and St. Paulie Girl while all my classmates swilled Coors Light or Budweiser. I was proud to be a beer snob.
I started drinking rather seriously in my 20s. I remember driving home from the bars so drunk that I wouldn't stop at the red lights for fear I'd fall asleep. How I didn't get a DUI or hurt someone is a miracle. I was always up for going out, dancing, having fun, taking it too far. I was the life of every party. I thought I needed alcohol to be fun.
I fear that I still do.
In my 30s I would have a few glasses of wine at dinner parties, but for the most part I was busy being responsible: starting a business, buying a home, having a child.
Parenting proved to be more of a challenge than I imagined. I had very little patience for my opinionated child. I found myself enraged when she refused to take a nap or go to bed when I was more than ready to be done parenting for the day. While I never harmed her physically, I scared her and myself on more than one occasion with my anger. My marriage was disintegrating, we HATED living in the non-stop rain of the Oregon coast, we could not sell our house or our business, and I began to implode. I felt like I had NO control over my life. I discovered that the occasional glass of wine after work helped "take the edge off". Time passed, we finally sold our house and business and we moved to Washington. We hoped that the move would save our marriage. It didn't. I continued to drink a glass of wine every night, to help me relax and "cope" with my life. Soon, I noticed that one glass wasn't having the desired effect. It took two. More time passed, we got divorced and I found myself living alone (for a brief but BRUTAL time) while Anna lived with Eric. There was certainly no harm in having a couple glasses of wine in the evenings to help me sleep in that big house with the strange noises. Was there?
More time passed, life improved, I met and fell in love with a wonderful man. And yet, I still "needed" that glass of wine (or 3) every single night. I didn't get "drunk"...and yet I started noticing how many empty bottles were in the recycling bin at the end of a week. A real eye-opener came when Anna drew a "still life" of sorts:
We've got Anna off to the left (all you can see is her bottle of root beer), a Christmas tree, a menorah, , a large vase of flowers, Moby, David in the kitchen, and Mommy's big ol' glass of wine. I told myself at the time that it was hilarious!! And so was this: 
How cute! How funny! I look at that now and want to cry.
Still, I continued to tell myself that a glass (or 4) of wine a night wasn't hurting anything: I was functioning perfectly. I just had a higher tolerance than most. On Saturdays I found myself wondering when it was too early to have a glass of wine. 4:00? 3:00? 1:00??
Then I read a book called "Beautiful Boy: A Father's Journey Through His Son's Meth Addiction." He and his son reminded me so much of my relationship with Anna. And I had an epiphany of sorts: my daughter is CLEARLY aware of the fact that mommy drinks wine every. single. night. What kind of example am I setting for her? Do I want her to grow up to think that that is normal??
And so I told myself I would stop. That I wouldn't have wine in the house any more. I tried. But I kept finding excuses: it's been a rough day and I need to chill out. It's a beautiful evening to sit on the porch and have a glass of wine. I'll just buy a bottle and make it last all week. I asked friends whom I love and respect (people who have perfectly "normal", high-functioning lives) how much they drink; a surprising number of them say that it's not unusual for them to go through a bottle of wine a night. So what was the problem with me doing so?
But I kept coming back to the thought that I am teaching Anna that this is what grown-ups do. And then, a couple of weeks ago, when I went out with my friend Sarah and rode my bike home drunk off my gourd, I realized that not only was that REALLY not cute for a 43 year old woman, but it was stupid and dangerous: what if I'd run into a parked car (as I almost did) and knocked my dumb-ass out cold...I wasn't wearing a helmet; I could have been seriously wounded or even killed, laying there in the road in the dark.
And so, it's time to admit that I have a drinking problem. Am I an alcoholic? I don't know. I hope not. I don't want to have to go to AA and beg for help from a "higher power" that I do not believe in. Right now I'm hoping it's merely a close call.
I sat down and talked to David about it and he is an amazing source of strength, having overcome his own addictions years ago. He is quietly supportive but knows that change has to come from within myself; he isn't going to be (nor should he be) my babysitter.
I am putting this "out there" because that will force me to be accountable for my actions. I've gone a week now without a glass of wine. And, as in the past when I tried to stop, I "picked a bad week to quit drinking". I received some very bad news about the health of a friend and I really, really wanted to stop at the store on the way home and buy a bottle of wine so that I could have a glass (or 5). But I didn't.
I hope that some time down the road, I can enjoy a glass of wine when we are dining out. I hope that in the future when my girl-friends get together for the weekend, that I can have a couple of drinks and that I can leave it at that. But for right now, I need to know that I can stop. I need to prove to myself and the people that I love that I am stronger than the urge to drink.
Sunday, May 25, 2008
new member of the family
Meet Rootbeer, so named for the box we brought him home in.
We had pretty much ruled out a rabbit; while they are adorable and cuddly, David and I have a very heartfelt aversion to keeping animals in cages. That has always been my "out" with Anna, regarding anything like gerbils, hamsters, guinea pigs etc; "But remember, we don't keep animals in cages. They don't BELONG in cages."
And then, we went to the local Feed and Seed type store. Big mistake. This place is one of Anna's favorites, and I HATE it. Don't get me wrong, I love farm stores and the like, but this place also sells chickens and snakes and mice and guinea pigs and rabbits and dogs and pot-bellied pigs...and the conditions they are kept in makes me sick. It's dirty, smelly and as soon as I leave I want to go straight to the car wash for a power-scrub (ME, not my car.) It's BAD. Furthermore, they have a cotamundi, which is this South American anteater type thing that is in a very -small little cubby-hole and it paces around and around and around...and they even have an alligator. I don't know (or want to know) how they came to own these exotic animals, but the whole place just gives me the heebie jeebies.
Anyway, we were in the neighborhood buying some home-improvement supplies and Anna talked us in to stopping at this place.
We walked in to the pet area and this little black and white bunny was in a pen with several guinea pigs. He just looked so small and helpless and sweet...it was love at first sight. Anna knew better than to push it, but I couldn't stop thinking about him all the way home. Once home, I cornered David and asked him if he'd divorce me if I went back for that bunny. Thankfully, he said he wouldn't. I know how adamant he has been about getting another pet, especially a caged one, but for some reason (maybe it was my pitiful face) he didn't hesitate. Once more proof that this man really IS a saint.
I'll never be comfortable owning an animal that we keep in a cage, but I guess I realized that if we didn't take him, someone else would, and at least now I know that with us, he'll have a good, life-long and loving home.
He's a Netherlands Dwarf baby, and he is sooooo cute.
Thursday, May 22, 2008
that's my kid
Anna has a friend over. Annie is 2 years older, in 3rd grade and is asking Anna which of the Harry Potter movies is her favorite.
I'm evesdropping while pretending to read in the living room. It's so strange to listen to my little girl, who not too long ago was all about horses and ponies and make-believe animals, suddenly navigating the waters of "big kid" conversations. Now, she's under social pressure to critique the Harry Potter series. What her friend doesn't know is that I won't let Anna watch Harry Potter movies, because I think they're creepy and too scary for my 7 year old. The only one she's seen was when she was at Annie's house.
Now I listen to Anna do the dance, try to avoid having to admit to her older and cooler friend that she has not, in fact, seen ANY of the other movies. Annie is suspicious, asking "If you've seen them all, which one comes after..." and "Which one do you think is the worst?" Anna tries to answer, naming (regardless of the question) the names of the only two titles she remembers having heard from the other kids at school.
Finally, exasperated but unwilling to admit defeat, Anna says "I guess if I had to pick one I'd go with Harry Potter and Aunt Martha."
Like my friend Katie used to say "Look 'em in the eye and lie your ass off".
Better yet, make 'em laugh.
I'm evesdropping while pretending to read in the living room. It's so strange to listen to my little girl, who not too long ago was all about horses and ponies and make-believe animals, suddenly navigating the waters of "big kid" conversations. Now, she's under social pressure to critique the Harry Potter series. What her friend doesn't know is that I won't let Anna watch Harry Potter movies, because I think they're creepy and too scary for my 7 year old. The only one she's seen was when she was at Annie's house.
Now I listen to Anna do the dance, try to avoid having to admit to her older and cooler friend that she has not, in fact, seen ANY of the other movies. Annie is suspicious, asking "If you've seen them all, which one comes after..." and "Which one do you think is the worst?" Anna tries to answer, naming (regardless of the question) the names of the only two titles she remembers having heard from the other kids at school.
Finally, exasperated but unwilling to admit defeat, Anna says "I guess if I had to pick one I'd go with Harry Potter and Aunt Martha."
Like my friend Katie used to say "Look 'em in the eye and lie your ass off".
Better yet, make 'em laugh.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
disturbing
I just received, in my email inbox, spam that lured me in with the promise of a Coldstone Creamery coupon but was, in fact, a offer of discounted Viagra.
Am I the last to know that there is a connection between increased ice-cream consumption and erectile function??
Do you like your ice cream hard, or soft?
(I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.)
Am I the last to know that there is a connection between increased ice-cream consumption and erectile function??
Do you like your ice cream hard, or soft?
(I'm sorry. I couldn't help it.)
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
clarification
It's not that I don't want to have a wedding. What I meant was, I don't want to have to PLAN a wedding, what with the renting chairs, planning menues, providing entertainment (there will be no dj, I'm telling you that right now), and spending half our child's college education fund on flowers. You know? But I am excited that now I know my family will be there, and many of our friends will be able to be there since it is home to many of them...and it is just so much easier than trying to find someplace for everyone to stay on an island that I've never been to.
Look, here is the barn (thank you, Jod, for going down and taking photos today!)
How cute is that? I am very excited about it. I LOVE the barn and that was my first thougth when David and I decided to get married. I've been to two weddings there and they were both really, really beautiful.
Just eat before you come, bring your own chairs and beer, and don't plan on dancing to "Money, Money."
Look, here is the barn (thank you, Jod, for going down and taking photos today!)
How cute is that? I am very excited about it. I LOVE the barn and that was my first thougth when David and I decided to get married. I've been to two weddings there and they were both really, really beautiful.
Just eat before you come, bring your own chairs and beer, and don't plan on dancing to "Money, Money."
oh shit.
I know this is not supposed to be my thinking toward my upcoming wedding. Don't get me wrong: I could not be more excited that I get to spend the rest of my life with David. I just didn't really want to have to HAVE a WEDDING. See, when the plan was to get married on the beach in Maui, we envisioned it going something like this: wake up on Saturday morning, have some granola and fresh papaya juice, wait for the weather to be just right (not too hot, not too windy), throw on some shorts (David) and some sort of summery dress (me), get all our friends and family and run down to the beach and have a 3 minute ceremony and then, you know, we all sit around on the beach having some wine, watching the kids swim and play in the sand, until it was time to go back to somebody's rental house and throw some fresh fish on the grill. That's it.
But now that we're going to have an actual "wedding" in an actual location, we have to, you know, have places for people to sit. And something for them to eat. And maybe some pretty flowers. And maybe even music. Granted, it's going to be in a BARN. But still. People will have expectations, you know? When it was going to be in Maui, it was going to be...well, MAUI.
Neither of us really wanted a "wedding" type wedding, and yet we don't want to elope. Got any suggestions? Got any valium?
But now that we're going to have an actual "wedding" in an actual location, we have to, you know, have places for people to sit. And something for them to eat. And maybe some pretty flowers. And maybe even music. Granted, it's going to be in a BARN. But still. People will have expectations, you know? When it was going to be in Maui, it was going to be...well, MAUI.
Neither of us really wanted a "wedding" type wedding, and yet we don't want to elope. Got any suggestions? Got any valium?
::update::
Ok, the wedding date is set: it is September 13th in Boise. That means I have only 4 months to get skinny, instead of 9. Shit. (I probably shouldn't be eating this 4000 calorie almond-poppy-seed muffin for breakfast, hmm?)
It will be held at the barn in Hidden Springs, which is this very Pleasantville-like community where my mom and sister live. It's actually a lovely community in the Boise foothills, surrounded my hundreds of miles of hiking and mountain-biking trails. Anyway, the barn is sweet and charming, set amongst big cottonwood trees, and will be perfect for our CASUAL wedding. I tried to find a photo of the barn, but the only one I could find was here, on the Wildlife Journal page. Speaking of wildlife, it's not at all unusual to see antelope up there, and my sister has seen a WOLF crossing a field below her house. How cool is that??
And in keeping with my hillbilly family tradition, we'll be BBQing opposum.
It will be held at the barn in Hidden Springs, which is this very Pleasantville-like community where my mom and sister live. It's actually a lovely community in the Boise foothills, surrounded my hundreds of miles of hiking and mountain-biking trails. Anyway, the barn is sweet and charming, set amongst big cottonwood trees, and will be perfect for our CASUAL wedding. I tried to find a photo of the barn, but the only one I could find was here, on the Wildlife Journal page. Speaking of wildlife, it's not at all unusual to see antelope up there, and my sister has seen a WOLF crossing a field below her house. How cool is that??
And in keeping with my hillbilly family tradition, we'll be BBQing opposum.
Monday, May 19, 2008
ch ch ch ch changes...
There was a fairly major change in plans over the weekend, regarding our upcoming wedding. Yes, we're still getting married but we have decided to have the actual ceremony in Boise in September.
Back when David and I really started planning, we realized that because all our family and friends are spread all over the country, people were going to have to travel to the wedding regardless of where we had it. So we thought "Well, if people are going to have to travel, we might as well make it somewhere worth traveling TO." Why make, say, friends from the east coast travel to Spokane for a 10 minute wedding ceremony and then have nothing else to do the rest of the weekend, ya know? So we came upon the brilliant idea of getting married on Maui!! Brilliant: encouraging everyone to spend a week with us on Maui enjoying the sun, snorkeling, beach-walking, BBQing...that would really allow everyone the time to get to know each other.
So I started doing some research to find a resort that would meet everyone's needs and also be somewhat economical. I looked, and read, and read some more, and worried, and fretted...I felt like if we were going to ask everyone to come spend a week with us, I had to find just the right place. It just seemed completely daunting, and nothing felt right. At all. I just couldn't get excited about the big, cinderblock "condo resorts", and yet that was the only option if we were going to book a large block of rooms. Finally we had to make a choice and get serious about booking. Unfortunately, those condo-resorts are not that cheap once you ad on (as they do) the "reservation fee" (WTF PEOPLE?? You're going to CHARGE us for making a reservation?!) for each unit we book, and the cleaning fee (because each condo is independently owned, there is no "maid service" as with a hotel) it really adds up. And, if David and I paid the deposit to book 10 rooms, as was our plan, for every room that we had to cancel they would charge us $100. And after all of that, it wasn't even a place we felt excited about other than that it was right on a lovely beach. We still ran the risk of it being "not right" for some people who, if they are going to spend a week on Maui, wanted to stay someplace nicer or with more character or more remote or whatever.
And the biggest factor was that after coming up with the real numbers, we had to accept the fact that realistically, most of my family wouldn't make it to Maui. So David, bless his sweet heart, talked me down off the ceiling by saying "You know what? Weddings are about FAMILY and FRIENDS. If they can't make it to Maui, we need to get married someplace that they CAN be there."
So. The ceremony itself will be in the Boise area in September (we think the 20th; we'll find out today if our "venue" is available that day) and then the celebration is still on for Maui for everyone who can come. We truly want as many of our friends and loved ones to make the trip, to have a reason to spend a week in the middle of winter on a beautiful tropical island with us.
So MAUI IS STILL ON for February 6-14th; but we are going to let ya'll choose your own places to stay based on what works best for you. Jen and Charles will want to stay at a 5-star resort, Cole and Martin might prefer a funky little beach-house over a condo, Rod and Julie will probably know of some awesome hippie-huts in the jungle, and David's mom might prefer a condo right on the beach. But it would be great if we could all still be on the same general part of the island, so that we can get together for BBQs and snorkeling with the kids and fun. David and Anna and I plan on staying in the Kihei area; that is on the south-side of Maui and has some of the best beaches, restaurants, snorkeling, recreation, farmers' markets etc. Nothing is that far a drive, though, so no matter where people end up we'll be able to get together when we want.
As far as resources for finding accomodations, I love and trust Frommers. For houses (and condos) there is Vacation Rentals by Owner. Better book soon, though, because February fills up due to sucky weather everywhere else!
OF COURSE ya'll will be invited to the ceremony itself, but if you want to save your money and vacation time for Maui, we understand and will see ya there!
Aaahhh. I feel like 10,000 pounds has been lifted off my shoulders.
Back when David and I really started planning, we realized that because all our family and friends are spread all over the country, people were going to have to travel to the wedding regardless of where we had it. So we thought "Well, if people are going to have to travel, we might as well make it somewhere worth traveling TO." Why make, say, friends from the east coast travel to Spokane for a 10 minute wedding ceremony and then have nothing else to do the rest of the weekend, ya know? So we came upon the brilliant idea of getting married on Maui!! Brilliant: encouraging everyone to spend a week with us on Maui enjoying the sun, snorkeling, beach-walking, BBQing...that would really allow everyone the time to get to know each other.
So I started doing some research to find a resort that would meet everyone's needs and also be somewhat economical. I looked, and read, and read some more, and worried, and fretted...I felt like if we were going to ask everyone to come spend a week with us, I had to find just the right place. It just seemed completely daunting, and nothing felt right. At all. I just couldn't get excited about the big, cinderblock "condo resorts", and yet that was the only option if we were going to book a large block of rooms. Finally we had to make a choice and get serious about booking. Unfortunately, those condo-resorts are not that cheap once you ad on (as they do) the "reservation fee" (WTF PEOPLE?? You're going to CHARGE us for making a reservation?!) for each unit we book, and the cleaning fee (because each condo is independently owned, there is no "maid service" as with a hotel) it really adds up. And, if David and I paid the deposit to book 10 rooms, as was our plan, for every room that we had to cancel they would charge us $100. And after all of that, it wasn't even a place we felt excited about other than that it was right on a lovely beach. We still ran the risk of it being "not right" for some people who, if they are going to spend a week on Maui, wanted to stay someplace nicer or with more character or more remote or whatever.
And the biggest factor was that after coming up with the real numbers, we had to accept the fact that realistically, most of my family wouldn't make it to Maui. So David, bless his sweet heart, talked me down off the ceiling by saying "You know what? Weddings are about FAMILY and FRIENDS. If they can't make it to Maui, we need to get married someplace that they CAN be there."
So. The ceremony itself will be in the Boise area in September (we think the 20th; we'll find out today if our "venue" is available that day) and then the celebration is still on for Maui for everyone who can come. We truly want as many of our friends and loved ones to make the trip, to have a reason to spend a week in the middle of winter on a beautiful tropical island with us.
So MAUI IS STILL ON for February 6-14th; but we are going to let ya'll choose your own places to stay based on what works best for you. Jen and Charles will want to stay at a 5-star resort, Cole and Martin might prefer a funky little beach-house over a condo, Rod and Julie will probably know of some awesome hippie-huts in the jungle, and David's mom might prefer a condo right on the beach. But it would be great if we could all still be on the same general part of the island, so that we can get together for BBQs and snorkeling with the kids and fun. David and Anna and I plan on staying in the Kihei area; that is on the south-side of Maui and has some of the best beaches, restaurants, snorkeling, recreation, farmers' markets etc. Nothing is that far a drive, though, so no matter where people end up we'll be able to get together when we want.
As far as resources for finding accomodations, I love and trust Frommers. For houses (and condos) there is Vacation Rentals by Owner. Better book soon, though, because February fills up due to sucky weather everywhere else!
OF COURSE ya'll will be invited to the ceremony itself, but if you want to save your money and vacation time for Maui, we understand and will see ya there!
Aaahhh. I feel like 10,000 pounds has been lifted off my shoulders.
Friday, May 16, 2008
I'm way too old for this
Last night I went out with my friend Sarah. Just a nice little civilized glass of wine while watching live music outside the Rocket Market. I love Sarah, but I think she slipped some quaaludes or Rohipnol or something in my wine because I vaguely remember shouting out to the cute lesbian singer and then riding my bike home (more like careening) and barely missing a parked car. And while I was sleeping, a small rodent crawled into my mouth and died and someone put tiny socks on all my teeth.
Here. Look at these pretty pictures I took on my drive home from work yesterday.
Here. Look at these pretty pictures I took on my drive home from work yesterday.
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Hooray, California!!
New York May 15, 2008 — Earlier today, the California Supreme Court handed down a historic decision, making it the second state high court to rule in favor of ending the exclusion of same-sex couples from marriage. In its ruling, the court said, “in view of the substance and significance of the fundamental constitutional right to form a family relationship, the California Constitution properly must be interpreted to guarantee this basic civil right [marriage] to all Californians, whether gay or heterosexual, and to same-sex couples as well as to opposite-sex couples.”
I will NEVER understand how anyone can say claim that "family values" mean we should deny the right-to-marry to any couple who wants to commit to each other for life.
I will NEVER understand how anyone can say claim that "family values" mean we should deny the right-to-marry to any couple who wants to commit to each other for life.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
I have a a dirty little secret
While I've confessed on this blog to things such as trying to tuck my stomach in to my jeans and the possibility of having an addiction to wine and Ben & Jerry's ice cream, I've kept something from you.
My 7 year old daughter had been sleeping next to our bed for the past oh, year and a half. She has a perfectly adorable room with skylights! And bunk-beds! And more snuggly stuffed animals than FAO Shwartz! But she was "scared". Now, this may come as a shock to some of you, but I MIGHT baby my daughter a tiny bit. But damn, she's so cute and sweet and snuggly, and she's my only kid. So I (WE...thank you David for tolerating me and my child's neurosis...) allowed her to lay a sleeping back next to my side of the bed, thinking she'd be uncomfortable and eventually make her way back into her nice, warm, soft (because I even bought her a FEATHER BED for gods sake to make it that much more attractive) bed. But no. She layered blankets and comforters and other sleeping bags under her make-shift sleeping area next to my side of the bed...and I may have even helped her a little bit. What?? I wanted her to be comfortable. Plus, she loooooves me. And as time went on, more and more (and more) of her stuffed animals made their way into our bedroom until it was ridiculous even to ME. I could not get into or out of my side of the bed without stepping on a sleeping child or a gigantic stuffed tiger.
Finally, I'd had it. Ok, the truth is that on the way to Priest Lake, Nichole and Martin were stopping by to see our house for the first time since we moved in and I just couldn't let Nichole see that I allow Anna to sleep next to me. Because Nichole is perfect (in a good way!) and her daughter, who is a year younger than Anna, is also perfect: she sleeps in her own bed (without her stuffies!) and participates in every extra-curricular activity you can imagine AND she has memorized the entire Encyclopedia Britannica. In Russian. Ok, that last part might be a slight exaggeration, but just barely. Really, she's spectacular. Anyway, I couldn't stand it and I dismantled the entire set up.
And then I hid under the bed rocking myself gently and sucking my thumb, because I knew that when Anna realized what I'd done, it was not going to be pretty.
And it's true, she was, um, slightly upset. But I just explained that it was TIME. That she is stronger than she seems and braver than she thinks and she can DO it. Then we went to work making the bottom bunk a cool little "nest" with some pretty floral fabric that she picked out up above her(so she wasn't staring at the ugly brown stuff that is under the top bunk). I printed up lots and lots of photographs of all her favorite people and put them on the wall right next to her and made sure all her favorite animals were around her...and she's slept there ALL NIGHT, 9 HOURS for the past several nights.
That's right. And it only took me 6 years longer than it should have.
My 7 year old daughter had been sleeping next to our bed for the past oh, year and a half. She has a perfectly adorable room with skylights! And bunk-beds! And more snuggly stuffed animals than FAO Shwartz! But she was "scared". Now, this may come as a shock to some of you, but I MIGHT baby my daughter a tiny bit. But damn, she's so cute and sweet and snuggly, and she's my only kid. So I (WE...thank you David for tolerating me and my child's neurosis...) allowed her to lay a sleeping back next to my side of the bed, thinking she'd be uncomfortable and eventually make her way back into her nice, warm, soft (because I even bought her a FEATHER BED for gods sake to make it that much more attractive) bed. But no. She layered blankets and comforters and other sleeping bags under her make-shift sleeping area next to my side of the bed...and I may have even helped her a little bit. What?? I wanted her to be comfortable. Plus, she loooooves me. And as time went on, more and more (and more) of her stuffed animals made their way into our bedroom until it was ridiculous even to ME. I could not get into or out of my side of the bed without stepping on a sleeping child or a gigantic stuffed tiger.
Finally, I'd had it. Ok, the truth is that on the way to Priest Lake, Nichole and Martin were stopping by to see our house for the first time since we moved in and I just couldn't let Nichole see that I allow Anna to sleep next to me. Because Nichole is perfect (in a good way!) and her daughter, who is a year younger than Anna, is also perfect: she sleeps in her own bed (without her stuffies!) and participates in every extra-curricular activity you can imagine AND she has memorized the entire Encyclopedia Britannica. In Russian. Ok, that last part might be a slight exaggeration, but just barely. Really, she's spectacular. Anyway, I couldn't stand it and I dismantled the entire set up.
And then I hid under the bed rocking myself gently and sucking my thumb, because I knew that when Anna realized what I'd done, it was not going to be pretty.
And it's true, she was, um, slightly upset. But I just explained that it was TIME. That she is stronger than she seems and braver than she thinks and she can DO it. Then we went to work making the bottom bunk a cool little "nest" with some pretty floral fabric that she picked out up above her(so she wasn't staring at the ugly brown stuff that is under the top bunk). I printed up lots and lots of photographs of all her favorite people and put them on the wall right next to her and made sure all her favorite animals were around her...and she's slept there ALL NIGHT, 9 HOURS for the past several nights.
That's right. And it only took me 6 years longer than it should have.
Monday, May 12, 2008
Priest Lake
Just look at this amazing place! Priest Lake is just so beautiful and unspoiled. You don't see ANY of the ridiculous McMansion cabins like you see on Payette Lake. There is little private land on Priest, for one thing, and I guess they must have very strict regulations (imagine that!) because even the private cabins are small and subtle. Maybe the people up here don't feel the need to outdo their neighbors. I dunno. Anyway, it's gorgeous.We had so much fun. I just adore both Christina and Nichole, David and Martin enjoyed each other and the kids just played and played and played. There was great food, great music, lots of wine and some crazy wild-ass dancing Saturday night. Martin and David got the slightest glimpse into our "Mom's Gone Wild" antics, although we had to keep it fairly tame as there were children (and men) present! As if I needed more proof that it is time to get my ass moving, I am actually SORE from the dancing. Sweet baby jeebus.
Even the dogs had fun, running through the brush and trees and playing in the water. Poor Moby was dog tired when we got home.
We've already booked a cabin for Mothers Day next year!
Thursday, May 8, 2008
neener neener neener
As much as I'd love to leave that embarrassing story about my sister up on my blog forever, I just have to gloat that we are going up to Priest Lake this weekend! Priest Lake is an impossibly beautiful and unspoiled mountain lake in N. Idaho. We are staying at Elkins Resort which is one of those old log-cabin resorts built in the 50s and it hasn't changed much. Except the cabins have been updated and the restaurant serves fantastic food. The dining room has floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the lake, and there are hummingbird feeders all around the eves, every couple of feet. It's the kind of place where you walk to the little store barefoot and get an icecream sandwhich and then go sit on the tree-stump bench and enjoy the view. It's so lovely. Priest Lake is known for its Huckleberries; the resaurant serves Huckleberry Blintzes. Huckleberry Blintzes, people. Is it wrong to have them for breakfast, lunch and dinner? I think not. 
Last year David and I went on Mother's Day weekend; due to our schedule Anna was with her dad that weekend and I wanted to be anywhere but home feeling sorry for myself. But we had such a nice time that I told all my friends and now Mother's Day weekend at Priest Lake is going to be one of our new traditions. Christina and her girls are coming (not her hubby; he's busy shooting Johnnie Depp's new movie...hhmmpph. I told them that Johnnie could come too...) and Nichole and her family are coming from Seattle.
I am so excited!!! I'll take photos and post on Monday. Happy weekend and HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY everyone!!
Last year David and I went on Mother's Day weekend; due to our schedule Anna was with her dad that weekend and I wanted to be anywhere but home feeling sorry for myself. But we had such a nice time that I told all my friends and now Mother's Day weekend at Priest Lake is going to be one of our new traditions. Christina and her girls are coming (not her hubby; he's busy shooting Johnnie Depp's new movie...hhmmpph. I told them that Johnnie could come too...) and Nichole and her family are coming from Seattle.
I am so excited!!! I'll take photos and post on Monday. Happy weekend and HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY everyone!!
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
she's no Hudini
Ok, this part I'm ashamed to admit, but I was just watching an episode of Hannah Montana (familiar to anyone with a daughter ages 6-12) and something reminded me of what I think has to be my all-time FAVORITE story:
A couple of years ago, my sister Lala was living with the man she would soon marry in a small, VEEEERRRRRY rustic cabin in the Boise foothills. He was a geologist and it was a sweet, intentionally simple life. They had no running water, no electricity and the place was surrounded by hundreds (if not thousands) of acres of BLM land, criss-crossed by miles upon miles of very popular mountain biking and hiking trails.
Every morning Lala would get ready for work, hop into her 4-wheel drive and began her commute to work, which involved driving down a twisty, muddy, trecherous road, at the bottom of which was a BLM gate. This particular day she was running late. She stopped to unlock the gate, pulled her truck through and hopped out to close and lock the gate with the padlock as always....and when she turned to hurry back to her truck, she realized she had inadvertantly "locked" herself to the gate with the padlock! Now, there was no one around for miles. Her truck was running nearby, with the key to the padlock attached to her keychain which was, of course, in the ignition. She had NO IDEA what to do. Amazingly enough, her cell-phone was attached to her belt. Now, I have no idea why, but she used her cell phone to call ME, even though I live in another state (god love her, she knew I would laugh my ass off, and she gave me that). "You won't believe what I've just done" she started. "What should I do?? Should I start yelling really loudly and hope that a mountain-biker comes along to get the keys out of my truck so that I can unlock this stupid padlock??" I listened patiently and then asked what (to me) seemed like a logical question: "Well, um, what are you wearing? What, exactly, is locked to the gate??" With that, she started laughing hysterically. Because what she had failed to realize, in her state of panic, was that the padlock had caught her CARDIGAN SWEATER. So all she had to do was take the sweater off, walk to her truck, get the keys and unlock HER SWEATER.
Oh, man. I am NEVER going to let her live that one down.
A couple of years ago, my sister Lala was living with the man she would soon marry in a small, VEEEERRRRRY rustic cabin in the Boise foothills. He was a geologist and it was a sweet, intentionally simple life. They had no running water, no electricity and the place was surrounded by hundreds (if not thousands) of acres of BLM land, criss-crossed by miles upon miles of very popular mountain biking and hiking trails.
Every morning Lala would get ready for work, hop into her 4-wheel drive and began her commute to work, which involved driving down a twisty, muddy, trecherous road, at the bottom of which was a BLM gate. This particular day she was running late. She stopped to unlock the gate, pulled her truck through and hopped out to close and lock the gate with the padlock as always....and when she turned to hurry back to her truck, she realized she had inadvertantly "locked" herself to the gate with the padlock! Now, there was no one around for miles. Her truck was running nearby, with the key to the padlock attached to her keychain which was, of course, in the ignition. She had NO IDEA what to do. Amazingly enough, her cell-phone was attached to her belt. Now, I have no idea why, but she used her cell phone to call ME, even though I live in another state (god love her, she knew I would laugh my ass off, and she gave me that). "You won't believe what I've just done" she started. "What should I do?? Should I start yelling really loudly and hope that a mountain-biker comes along to get the keys out of my truck so that I can unlock this stupid padlock??" I listened patiently and then asked what (to me) seemed like a logical question: "Well, um, what are you wearing? What, exactly, is locked to the gate??" With that, she started laughing hysterically. Because what she had failed to realize, in her state of panic, was that the padlock had caught her CARDIGAN SWEATER. So all she had to do was take the sweater off, walk to her truck, get the keys and unlock HER SWEATER.
Oh, man. I am NEVER going to let her live that one down.
and another thing:
by the time the American government has extricated itself from Iraq and Afghanistan, the war efforts in the Middle East will have cost in excess of 3 TRILLION dollars.
Few of us can wrap our brains around that figure, so consider this explanation that I just saw in the new edition of Vanity Fair:
If someone gave you 3 trillion dollars and told you that you had to spend $100 million every day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, and not to come back until you'd spent every single penny, it would take you a little over 82 YEARS. Think about that: $100 million a day, for 82 years. How are we EVER going to recover from this mess?
And to think the John McCain is willing to keep our troops over there for "150 years if necessary."
Remind me: WHY is Iraq our problem??
Few of us can wrap our brains around that figure, so consider this explanation that I just saw in the new edition of Vanity Fair:
If someone gave you 3 trillion dollars and told you that you had to spend $100 million every day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year, and not to come back until you'd spent every single penny, it would take you a little over 82 YEARS. Think about that: $100 million a day, for 82 years. How are we EVER going to recover from this mess?
And to think the John McCain is willing to keep our troops over there for "150 years if necessary."
Remind me: WHY is Iraq our problem??
Hmm...why didn't they think of this?
My friend Rod sent this to me, but I've forgotten how to embed video into my blog, despite the fact that I managed to do so the other day. Anyway, go watch THIS video.
And then ask yourself WHY we aren't impeaching the sitting president.
And then ask yourself WHY we aren't impeaching the sitting president.
Monday, May 5, 2008
for my hypothetically challenged readers
OK, you simpletons. Regarding my last post, I was talking about Witchie Poo, (my ex-husband's girlfriend). Translation: "What kind of person (WP) would stop by the lemonade stand of your boyfriend's (Eric) 7 yr. old daughter (Anna) and take lemonade but not pay for it? While that child's own mother (ME) paid $3 for two small cups?" Get it? Forgive my attempt at subtlety; I promise never to make that mistake again.
Ahem. Moving on. Here! Look at some pretty aprons I whipped up this weekend! That shouldn't hurt your brains too much. :)
I found the butterfly fabric (bottom photo) and fell in love with it but didn't know what to do with it, but it's perfect for a kitschy little apron, no? The plan is to give these to two of my dear friends when we all get together this weekend for Mothers' Day...but I loooove them both so much (the aprons. Although I love my friends too) that I'm not sure I can part with them.
What? I'm a mother too!
Ahem. Moving on. Here! Look at some pretty aprons I whipped up this weekend! That shouldn't hurt your brains too much. :)
I found the butterfly fabric (bottom photo) and fell in love with it but didn't know what to do with it, but it's perfect for a kitschy little apron, no? The plan is to give these to two of my dear friends when we all get together this weekend for Mothers' Day...but I loooove them both so much (the aprons. Although I love my friends too) that I'm not sure I can part with them.
What? I'm a mother too!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
like stealing candy from a baby
What kind of person stops by the first-of-the-season lemonade stand being run by the 7 yr. old daughter of your boyfriend and says, "why yes, I would love some icey cold lemonade", and DOES NOT PAY for said lemonade?? Not a penny. Soon thereafter, that child's own mother paid $3 for 2 small cups of lemonade.
Just wondering....
Just wondering....
Friday, May 2, 2008
:: twitterpated ::
Spring has come late to these parts; as recently as two days ago (!) I looked out my office window toward the fields and it was snowing.
Today is a beautiful, warm, sunny day and I just walked into "town" to put some things in the mail. Sure, I could have just put them in the out-box for the mail-carrier, but I wanted to get OUT there. I love days like this, knowing (hoping) that Spring is finally here despite the snow-covered mountians in the not-too-far distance. As I walked, I noticed that the red-winged black birds are almost deafening as they flitter around the cat-tails, the meadowlarks are calling, the killdeer are building their nests and everywhere I looked where swallows, chasing each other through the air. Everywhere there is singing, attracting mates, nest-building.
Earlier this morning I had the most lovely older couple come in to the office, wanting to talk about some work happening near their vacation cabin here on the reservation. They were teasing each other in a really sweet way; she was telling me how excited she is that they are finally getting a "real" toilet this summer; no more mid-night visits to the outhouse and, she said looking pointedly at her husband, she only had to wait 30 years for it. "Well you know," he said with a gleam in his eye, "things haven't turned out how either of us expected. I thought for sure by now I'd have me a trophy-wife." She just laughed and said "Here I am!" I couldn't help myself and said "You two are so dang cute; how long have you been married?" They both laughed and he said "Oh, geez, I dunno...40 something years." It just made my day to see a couple who have been together for so long, who have undoubtedly been through a lot during their time together, but they have genuine, palpable affection and respect for each other.
I believe that that's what David and I will be like 40 years from now. We were just saying last night how refreshing it is, in this relationship unlike others, that we can good-naturedly tease each other but we each know, without a doubt, that there is no animosity or resentment behind it. It is so much fun, because we both get the other's sense of humor and can just "run with it." Our foundation is solid enough and we have each been through enough in our lives to really, truly appreciate one another and what we have together.
And that, all of it, makes me feel, well, twitterpated.
Today is a beautiful, warm, sunny day and I just walked into "town" to put some things in the mail. Sure, I could have just put them in the out-box for the mail-carrier, but I wanted to get OUT there. I love days like this, knowing (hoping) that Spring is finally here despite the snow-covered mountians in the not-too-far distance. As I walked, I noticed that the red-winged black birds are almost deafening as they flitter around the cat-tails, the meadowlarks are calling, the killdeer are building their nests and everywhere I looked where swallows, chasing each other through the air. Everywhere there is singing, attracting mates, nest-building.
Earlier this morning I had the most lovely older couple come in to the office, wanting to talk about some work happening near their vacation cabin here on the reservation. They were teasing each other in a really sweet way; she was telling me how excited she is that they are finally getting a "real" toilet this summer; no more mid-night visits to the outhouse and, she said looking pointedly at her husband, she only had to wait 30 years for it. "Well you know," he said with a gleam in his eye, "things haven't turned out how either of us expected. I thought for sure by now I'd have me a trophy-wife." She just laughed and said "Here I am!" I couldn't help myself and said "You two are so dang cute; how long have you been married?" They both laughed and he said "Oh, geez, I dunno...40 something years." It just made my day to see a couple who have been together for so long, who have undoubtedly been through a lot during their time together, but they have genuine, palpable affection and respect for each other.
I believe that that's what David and I will be like 40 years from now. We were just saying last night how refreshing it is, in this relationship unlike others, that we can good-naturedly tease each other but we each know, without a doubt, that there is no animosity or resentment behind it. It is so much fun, because we both get the other's sense of humor and can just "run with it." Our foundation is solid enough and we have each been through enough in our lives to really, truly appreciate one another and what we have together.
And that, all of it, makes me feel, well, twitterpated.
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