::peas in a pod::

Anna has a friend Audrey. Audrey is the same age as Anna and into the exact same things (ie: ANIMALS). When they get together to play, it sounds like this:

"Ok, so I'm a baby Australian Shepard who is 3 months old. I'm mostly black with white patches but I have some brown spots behind my left ear. My two back legs are white and my two front legs are black with white only on the paws. My mom died when I was born and I live on a farm. One of the mama sheep was nice to me when my mom died and now I thinks she's my mom, ok? So now when I need something I go find my mama sheep and I whine like this: mmmm MMMM mmmmMMMM and she knows that that means I'm hungry, ok?"

"Ok! And I'm a little brown goat who lives at the farm with tiny hooves and baby horns and white on my nose. I'm 6 months old and I have two sisters who are older than me but they never play wih me. Once when I was only 2 weeks old I fell into the pond so now I'm afraid of water. You and I are best friends and we like to play hide and seek in the barn where the barn owl lives with her babies and sometimes we go for walks in the forest, but when you get too close to the creek I get scared and go Meeeh! MEH! Meeeeeeehhhhh!!!! Ok?"

On other words, they speak the same language. All they talk about is animals: what kind and how many they'll have when they grow up, what kind they are going to try to talk their parents into next.

This morning when I was going through Anna's backpack, digging out important (and not so important) paperwork, I came across this card from Audrey:

And inside:

Sage advice from an 8 year old, no?

::ex-wife of the year::

I have a confession to make and what better place to purge myself than here on the internet?!

So. Most of you know the situation with my ex-husband Eric. He is one of my dearest friends. I'm thankful every single day that I'm not married to him any more, but I adore him. He is a wonderful father, is a hard-worker, will do ANYTHING for anyone and he just has a pure heart of gold.

And he is dating the woman from hell. Let me re-cap, if I may, some of her more memorable infractions:

* In attempt to bring her into our family and make her feel welcome, I invited her to Anna's 6th birthday party, to the home I share with my new husband. Eric's entire family was there, cousins, aunts and uncles, grandparents. We had wine, there were candles lit, the music was playing, Eric's mom and dad were each there with their new spouses....it was all very civilized and warm and friendly and there was much laughter. *J* (as she shall be called) showed up an hour late. She came into the kitchen where some of us were laughing about the birthday cake Eric had made from scratch (!) that turned out really dry. She said "Well. I don't know HOW you managed to screw it up. You were using my $50 cake pans!" ..... But wait! There's more! So, in attempt to lighten things up and change the conversation, I asked about a mutual friend of ours (an old boyfriend of hers that she is still very friendly with). I said to her "I hear Peter was just in town and that he brought a new girl to dinner with you guys." She turned to Eric and, with his sweet, very Christian mother right behind him, said "You are such a fucking gossip." AWKWARD!! Then she left the party shortly afterward without ever saying anything to the birthday girl. Buh bye.

* Once, Eric, *J* and Anna went out to dinner. Anna was extremely tired and apparently she had a melt-down (this was when she was 6). The next day I saw *J* out walking her dogs and stopped to say hello. I said "I hear Anna was a real pill last night at dinner", you know, kind of laughing, like "Kids! What can you do!" and she literally sneered and said "Oh yeah, she was JUST. PRECIOUS." I think I showed amazing restraint by not giving in to my urge to step on the gas and run her over.

* Last summer Eric had a terrible accident with a skill-saw and cut a large portion of his finger off. He had to have emergency surgery. She waited SEVEN HOURS to call and tell his daughter (and me) about this accident. Anna and I rushed right to the hospital, where *J* told us that it was "unnecessary" for us to stay. Excuse me...I don't really recall asking for your permission to care about the man I've known for 13 years and am raising a child with.

* She has NO skills with children and is so clueless about how to be part of Anna's life that I'm not sure she was ever a child herself. Her idea of "bonding" with Anna is to have Anna "help" in her yard by PICKING UP DOG POOP. Once Anna put the bag with the poop in it in the kitchen trash can (ok, maybe not the best choice but come on...why is she picking up *J's* dog poop in the first place?) and *J* demanded that ANNA WRITE AN APOLOGY LETTER TO HER.

* For my daughter's 7th birthday *J* gave her a GIFT CERTIFICATE TO A GOURMET CHEESE SHOP. Seriously.

* She makes NO attempt whatsoever to be friendly and warm to Eric's family and routinely refuses to accompany him to family get-togethers. Finally last Christmas he demanded she go to his mother's with him for dinner. *J* stood in the living room brooding and said to my ex-sister-in-law "I do not do Christmas. I hope you all know what a sacrifice this is for me to be here today." Eric's mother even got her a Christmas present; knowing that *J* loves her yard and garden, she got her a watering-can that was, apparently, a little funky and hand-crafted...but the intent was pure. Anyway, *J* opened it, looked at it, put it down without thanking Eric's mother AND THEN LEFT IT THERE when she left.

On top of all this, she is barely even nice to Eric. They have been together for two years and basically she keeps him around to build things for her (new fence, a "party patio", yard work) and to take care of her dogs when she is gone. Eric isn't "allowed" to stay the night because the dogs like to sleep with her. She has two Rhodesian Ridgebacks that she treats like lap dogs: she throws BIRTHDAY PARTIES FOR HER DOGS with party hats, balloons, party favors, and they each get their very own special birthday cake.

Last night Anna was saying how daddy was mad because *J* "made" him go buy dog-food for her dogs while she "sat on her butt and watched the news." I told her "Honey, people can only take advantage of you with your permission." But you know what? I've had it. It would be different if she were the love of his live, his soul-mate....but she's not and he admits it. SO WHY IS HE WASTING HIS TIME WITH HER???

So here comes my confession. Anna and I went "shopping" on match.com last night (where I found the love of MY life) for women for her daddy. What?! It was ANNA'S idea. Anyway, I oh-so-subtly sent him some links to women who love to camp, hike, ski, garden, kayak and most importantly, LIKE CHILDREN.

What do you think...am I going straight to hell?

::grace of small things part 3::

* Sitting at the table last night, having dinner with Anna, David and Eric after we all attended the Literacy Fair at her school. Anna LOVES when she gets to have all 3 parents together. I do too.

* Hearing Killdeer and Red-Winged Blackbirds the last few days. Spring MUST be near, right?

* Knowing that tomorrow afternoon, I will meet David for lunch at our favorite Indian restaurant.

* Running outside. I've missed that.

* Catching up with old friends on Face Book.

* Fridays.

What are you grateful for today?

ok, ok, so I might have to buy some new pants

Because of my running, I am already down a size! After less than two months. heh heh. I'd felt like my jeans were really baggy in the butt lately...but I figured they'd regain their shape after washing. But it's not my pants, it's ME who has changed shape. Yesterday I grabbed some jeans out of the drawer and put them on and was like "Aaaah, these fit perfectly!" Turns out they are a size smaller than I've been wearing and they somehow ended up on top in my drawer. It's been so long since I've comfortably fit in this size I never would have thought to try them. And they aren't even tight. (If there are any men reading this, you won't understand how monumental this is. But my women readers will totally get it. It's a big deal, a full pants size.)

So despite my vow to "buy nothing", I might just have to buy some new jeans. But that is an expenditure I can feel great about.

I love running.

sometimes I make stuff

We have a baby coming in April! No, not ME; my niece is having a baby girl. This weekend I made a dress for her and I have to say I am pretty damned proud of it:

It's the Comfy Jumper Dress from Amy Butler's Little Stitches for Little Ones book, using Amy Butler fabric, which I'd originally bought to make a bag for my dear pink-loving friend Christina, but then I decided it was waaaay too girlie for her. So I've been waiting for the perfect project; I think I found it.

I'm going to make bloomers to match this too, just as soon as I can make sense of the pattern. Also? Notice the lack of button holes? That's because I can not for the life of me make button holes and the sad thing is, I have a machine that supposed does it in "one easy step!" But I'll be damned if I can figure it out. Luckily this baby's grandma (my sister) is seamstress, so if all else fails I'll send it as is and let her do the button holes. Hey, I did the hard part.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: I LOVE making clothes for babies and kids. It is almost instant gratification (which appeals to my gnat-like attention span) and also, you can have more fun with fabrics and patterns.

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Last weekend, Christina came for a sleepover sans kiddos, a first! We spent the entire weekend crafting: she had a bunch of felt that she sewed into beautiful colorful flowers and I sewed. It was just like in college, where we became friends spending late nights in the art-studio on campus. She'd hauled her paint-splattered radio up to the studio and we'd set up shop: music, a bottle of wine and we'd spend HOURS working side by side on our projects for textile class. We bonded over fabric and art and creativity, and it was so much fun to get to do it again, 15 years later. I mean, how many friends can you just sit and do something as nerdy as sewing together and have it be totally fun?? It felt like we'd come full-circle.

And over the table covered in bits of fabric and felt and thread and scissors, we began to talk again, as we had in college, about doing something with our creativity. We work in very different ways: she is loose and wild and creative. I am more structured and need patterns. But we have the same sense of style and LOVE to create things for children. And so, we are going to start building inventory and see if we can sell our wares. Christina will paint furniture which she loves to scour the thrift-shops for (step-stools, little desks and tables, lamps etc.) and I will sew. We'll have an etsy shop, but we'd also like to get involved in some craft fairs. We'll see what happens. It's not a novel idea, to be sure, but it will allow us both a creative outlet that we need and will maybe bring in some additional income. I'll keep you posted.

What's so funny about a sleepwalking dog?

Anyone who reads dooce has already seen it, but this? Is a great way to start your Monday.

::buy nothing::

Because this is the year of BIG commitments (see my new Road to the Marathon update on my left side-bar) I've also decided that 2009 is the year of Buy Nothing. (That sound you just heard? Was David choking on his lunch. Don't worry, he'll be fine.)


Ok, to be honest I have already purchased a couple of things in 2009 (What?! We went to Hawaii! I needed stuff.) BUT I purchased only ONE thing for myself while there. Now that is amazing, no?


Anyway, here's the thing: I have gotten myself into a mess by buying stuff....lots of stuff. And it makes me sick and it keeps me awake at night and I just need to STOP. Because how much stuff does a person need? I think most people, if they are honest with themselves, have some sort of dirty little secret, some sort of vice that makes them feel good (no matter how temporarily)...something that fills the "hole" that each of us seems to have. Some people smoke, some drink to much, some over eat, some shop too much....some have 14 babies! But at some point in one's life, we have to face our demons to get to the bottom of it, especially if our habit/vice is unhealthy. And, let's face it, most of them are.
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Sure, there are many things worse than shopping, as mentioned above. But do I NEED another skirt or pair of clogs or cardigan or sundress? No. I may WANT them, but I certainly don't need them. Every day we hear on the news about people losing their jobs and not being able to feed their families, having to move in with relatives or worse, onto the streets....and it makes me feel literally sick that I have this compulsion, this sense of entitlement to buy things simply because they are "cute". When did I become this person??

And so, I have decided that I will not purchase anything for myself for the rest of this year. I have a large closet full of great shoes and clothes and I have the skills to make more. I am done feeding the "consumer-beast". Done.

The exceptions are underwear and running shoes. It's crucial to trade in your old running shoes when they are worn, so I will need another (possibly two) pair before the marathon in October. Because worn-out running shoes mean knee, hip and back problems.

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So as soon as that new Boden or J.Crew or Anthropologie or Athleta catalogue comes into my house? It's going straight into the trash. Because if I even OPEN them to browse, I will find some adorable coat or skirt or dress or whatever that I simply can not live without. So I will not even look.
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I've already started: yesterday I realized that I NEED a day-planner of sorts, some little calendar to keep in my purse to keep track of my life. The old Kate would have gotten on etsy.com to find something cool and hand-crafted. And I did, out of habit. I even found an adorable one half-off for just $11. I was so ready to hit that "purchase" button...and then I stopped myself. I remembered that I had a perfectly fine, brand new little planner book sitting on my desk. It had been sent by one of our contractors and had their name on it....not cute at all BUT, hey, I am creative and if there's one thing I have plenty of, it's fabric. So I went home and got busy and viola:





Cute, practical and FREE. Now that's what I'm talking about.