too smart for her own good

Now that Bug has pretty much figured out that both the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny are not real, she's had to take a long, hard look at Santa. The other day she came across this letter from Santa and decided to investigate.






Conclusion: "I'm almost 79% sure Santa isn't real but I still kind of want to believe in him."

me too, Boo Boo. me too.




Random photo of the day: yesterday we went for a drive out to Turnbull National Wildlife Refuge to see if the Tundra Swans had arrived yet; they had, but they got spooked and flew away before I could get a photograph. We did, though, see this little porcupine; this is the third time in a row that we've seen a porcupine when we go out there. Last time we were out there we watched as one wandered along a ridge, down across the path right in front of us and he made his way over to a tree. We stood and watched as he sloooowly climbed the tree and settled in for a nap on a branch. This little guy yesterday was just munching on some ground-cover off the road; he let me get about 10 feet away before he ambled off. Luckily I didn't get any quills in my snout!

i am a pathetic stereotype

Number 87? What? It's practical! Number 75? Every damn day. 82? Absolutely. 49? Oh god. Yes. 25? He's halarious! 64? It would be irresponsible not to. 86? Not since I lived in Oregon. 6? Preach it, sister. And last but certainly not least: #1. Fair-trade, even. sigh.

Also laughing at this. You have to keep hitting the "refresh" button.

sometimes, it's hard to be a woman

So by now the world knows that Elliot Spitzer, governor of New York, has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar, so to speak. The man who rose to the top of NYC politics by vowing to eradicate crime (specifically prostitution!) in the Big Apple.

Now, politics aside, my question is: WHY IN THE SAM HELL IS HIS WIFE STANDING BY HER MAN?? Why do these wives of politicians gone astray, from Hillary Clinton to Larry Craig's wife to Mrs. Spitzer, WHY do they stand there on the stage, in their proper little suits and pearls, hands folded, looking concerned for the trouble her poor husband has gone and gotten himself into now? While he announces to the world something so deeply personal and painful, so unforgivable...something that she probably just found out about herself mere hours prior. And only then because he knew he'd been caught.

Me? I'd say "Um, no, I'm afraid I won't be able to make that press conference. I'll be busy signing DIVORCE PAPERS and watching your ass squirm up there all by yourself. Or, wait! I know! Why don't you HIRE a woman to stand next to you and PRETEND to by your wife??"

we did it!!

and it hurt like a mother. I went first, and I'm so glad I did. Because if I'd watched the process beforehand, there's no way I would have gone through with it. It involved a hollow-point needle which was left dangling out of my right nostril for 10 years er seconds. And THEN he rammed the stud through. WOW was that fun.

before:

during:

after:

But I like it and I think it's cute. And it was fun to do with my sisters; the three of us almost couldn't be more different...but we love and respect each other and this was a bonding experience. And when I'm through my mid-life crisis (if ever) I can take it out.

Boise, here I come

Now, it may not be the tropical vacation destination I've been craving, but I am going down to Boise for an impromptu "girls weekend" with my mom and sisters. There will be much junk-food, much laughter at each other's expense and, quite possibly, nose piercings. Because we each going through a mid-life crisis at the same time. The idea of the three sisters piercing our noses both horrifies and traumatized the generations on either side of us (our mother and our daughters) but that's only going to egg us on. It's better than tatoos, right?

Please take the poll at left. Not that we'll take your advice, but still. You can have the pleasure of saying "I told you so" when we complain it hurts like hell.

And mom, you only get to vote ONCE.

did I ever tell you about the time....

that my daughter, then aged 6, found a BUMPER STICKER in a drawer and put it on my butt and I forgot about it and went out into the world? That's right, I went into a fabric store proudly sporting a bumper sticker that showed a line-drawing of a very curvy woman that said "Change how you see, not how you look."

On. my. ass.

But who knows? Maybe a woman who needed that message that day saw me and felt just a little bit better about herself. Afterall, SHE wasn't the one out in public with a sticker on her back bumper.

mother of the year, part 2

or is it part 3...or 4?

Here's a story problem for you. I'll even supply the answer.

Ready?

1 balloon + 1 seven year old + 1 supposed adult (me) + 1 large ass (mine) + 1 twenty-gallon fish tank, all in one small tv room =

20 GALLONS OF STINKY, NASTY FISHY WATER FLOODING OUR NEW CARPET, several dead fish and five weeks of hard work wasted.

Nice.

Can I have a drink NOW??